Author: sisyphe

Two cups of coffee

Just sitting next to each other

The words  spread from the lips that touched the coffee cups

Maybe one opened the heart to other

Shared a fear and relived after that

Maybe one of them told love words to the other significant

and the other felt seen

Felt peace and heard the music in the background

Dancing myself on my own

I always wanted to have deep friendships, not just having fun together but being there for each other. I put high expectations on people I guess. I wanted them to love me as the the same way as I loved them.However, here is the truth, they were not people that I wanted them to be. They were not loving me same way as I love them. I was trying to do everything a friend does, being supportive,  checking in sharing my emotions, fears anxiety, also being cheerful, caring.  But they were not there, and that is okay. I am now facing bitter truth and choosing my place in those friendships. I felt like being taken for granted. I pulled back and I meet people where they are. I do show same amount of care they give me. I also know that is not the end. we did not have that deep relations I have imagined.Even if it is painful,  i accept that. This is a lesson not to put high expectations on people.  Maybe the love that I craved from people , I should give it to myself.  I am on solo coffee date.  Life keeps going no matter what.

My body has been trying to tell me something for couple of days.  I Could not sleep, I had some headache and this morning after taking my sleep, realised the message coming from my body” Self respect is the most important thing you have”. I will not compromise my self respect for anybody or any relationship.  I will communicate my boundaries to anyone in my life, if they want to stay they adjust , otherwise I am good. I love my peace and would not exchange this with anything else in the life.Time and conditions do not matter!

After a very hard day, a possibility of love gave my positivity back. I dont know if things work out ,but I thank this person that made me feel hopeful and excited today. Spring is here. Weather is beautiful, and I am watching the dark clouds passing through.i have heard many stories about the power of love, but even it’s possibility took me out of darkness tonight.

I want to be resilient

I know I still have way to go

The pain and anger I feel in my chest

Wants to go out

Feeling it , painful

Tears , tense and everything

I know there is no way around

I have to go through this pain

I worked on many different companies , and I see there is a huge lack of leadership skills in the companies. I think the term being a leader is confused with micromanaging,  lack of empathy , being pushy to make things done, trying to find a scapegoat when things don’t work out. Being a leader means going at front.  Protecting your team, being the schield from outside world,putting your ego aside. This requires inner work.Not everyone has courage to do it. We need good leaders , otherwise toxic managers dominate the companies and this results in many unhappy,  burn out people.

Ideas running in my heart

First time not in my mind but in my heart

Open heart is amazing

No limit no excuses

Only freedom

I have been thinking to tidy up my Christmas tree and decorations, put them into the shed. Today I had the courage to do that. Every year I use same decorations , this year while I was picking my baubles , I noticed some of them are broken. I had to throw them away. I also got a new ones, one from my best friend , a beautiful white bird. I thought it is like , every year I lose some part of my self and new ones , beautiful ones replace them.  I had a joy. I am excited to see what life will bring till next Christmas. I started accepting every moment of joy , sadness ,sorrow, excitement that life brings.